A primary focus in parenting is the safety of our children. This is equally true offline as it is online. In fact, there really should be very little difference in the boundaries and rules set online as those that are in place offline. (e.g. Don't talk to strangers, curfews, etc)
The level of comfort and knowledge parents have personally navigating online communities and processes varies drastically across families and can be an obstacle for effective online parenting. Keeping our kids from being active online would be a challenge and it really won't benefit them as you might think. The world is online and this is the world they are growing up in. Social networks, rapidly increasing online learning tools, financial management, purchasing power, managing information and gaining employment - it's all taking place online now and this is their world. So, the goal is to teach them to be savvy, smart, and safe offline and online.
Social media. It's an integral part of today's communication and a primary means of influence - online and offline. Some people grasped it right away and for some it's taking awhile. Eric Qualman's 2009 video, "Socialnomics", did a great job in getting initial adapters onboard fast and did much to keep others tuned in.
Learning to navigate Facebook and other social media sites sometimes leaves us a little apprehensive when we aren't exactly sure of the implications of our actions. Clicking the "Like" button is one of those actions that cause many of us to pause, asking ourselves, "What will happen if I click it and how will it affect my online presence?" It's a good question and one that should be understood.
Participating in social networking using Facebook can be fun and useful. And while it can also open an individual up to unnecessary exposure to others it doesn't have to. If you have a teen on Facebook be sure to sit down with them and review their Privacy Settings and don't forget about your own. While adults may not need the same level of privacy protection, often times it's what we'd prefer anyways. Model for your kids how to protect yourself online, they learn best by what they see you do versus by what you tell them to do. Anyone with a Facebook profile can control who sees their personal information by selecting a privacy level. Most privacy levels are defined as viewable by:
Everyone
Friends of Friends
Friends
Only Me
No One
You can even customize some features to be viewed only by specific friends
To adjust your Facebook profile privacy settings start at the privacy settings page. You can find this under the "Account" menu at the upper right-hand side of the page. Click on "Privacy Settings". If you then click on the "Customize Settings", you can view all of the controllable privacy settings of your Facebook profile. For the safest setting choose the option to allow only friends to view all of the settings on the page.
There is a lot you can control, but be sure to set the following to a level you are comfortable with:
Personal information you share. Profile information includes such things as photos, interests, videos, friend list, and anything else you may include on a profile. Know that you can control who has access to the elements of the information you choose to share. For instance each photo album can have a different level of privacy. So you may share the family vacation photos with all of your friends, but another album you may choose share with a specific group of friends.
Personal information Other Share About or with You. It's one things when you post photos, but you don't need to allow just anyone to tag you in photos for others to see. You can control if friends can see photos that other people tag you in. In addition, teens like to post photos of themselves and their friends, definitely something you don't want a predator to see. This is a setting you should teach your teen to use, or go in occasionally and do yourself. Each photo has it's own tag so every time a photo is added, you can choose remove the tag or you can remove everyone's ability to view pictures you are tagged in if not your own.
Who Can See Contact Information? Information like your IM screen name, email address, website URL, address and phone number can also be controlled. Personally, I think it's great to have it as an option, but I'm not sure it's necessary to reveal. If a friend wants to contact you personally, they can always send a private message to you. And to help to protect the privacy of your teen I recommend that this never be made public.
Who Can Find Your Profile by Doing a Search? Facebook's default setting allows your profile to be found using Facebook's search tool. You can control people from finding your profile in the first place by changing this Facebook privacy setting.
It’s likely that you’ve heard about the battle users have been having with Facebook over their privacy settings. While frustrating for sure this well-publicized war over how users want to be able to manage their privacy has been a great example of the beauty of social media. This is an issue born out of the growing pains of social media, but it’s clear that due in large part to social media users have a voice that is finally being heard in volumes like never before. It brought together people, organizations and legislators to advocate for what users want and what they believe they should be able to rely on.
This new-found voice is great for the individual user and we will all benefit from it. However, users have responsibilities too. Here's a question ask yourself. "Is your voice credible?" So often we can jump on a bandwagon because it sounds like a good cause yet so often people know very little before taking the leap. I admit to having done this myself. While I believe there were a number of reasons why the recent crisis over privacy issues is a worthy one and Facebook did need to step up and make some changes, I have also seen that most Facebook users I work with have done very little to educate themselves about how their information is being shared and use their privacy settings to their advantage and that’s not Facebook’s fault. So I would add that another beneficial outcome from this crisis is that users might just become interested in understanding Facebook’s privacy settings.
The new privacy settings that will be rolled out over the next few weeks as announced by Facebook’s CEO, Mark Zuckerberg, yesterday. These new features were announced and promised and now we have to wait to see them. I don’t know anyone that has seen them available on their profile yet, but I’m hopeful it won’t be too long. Insight into these changes were presented in Zuckerberg’s video blog yesterday. So, while you're waiting, be a responsible Facebook user and take a moment to watch the video to learn what’s being rolled out. Look for three primary changes he discusses:
One simple master control so you can set who see all of the content you share on Facebook. You still have the option to control content at a more granular level.
Reduction in the amount of information that has to be available to everyone in order to use Facebook.
Simplified the control of whether websites and application can access your information.
I have not seen these new features as they are not yet available for my Facebook account, so I can’t personally speak to how simple they really are. In a blog by Caroline McCarthy she explains that where previously there were 50 settings that members would have to tweak in order to make all information private; now, it's more like 15. The number of Facebook "privacy center" pages has dropped from 13 to eight. In addition, my friends at AllFacebook have taken the time to look at the settings and share what they believe is most important. They have put together a short guide with what looks like all the information that you need to know. It includes information on the following:
You Can Opt Out Of Applications
You Can Hide Your Friends List
You Can Hide Your Interests
Much Information Is Still Public By Default
Instant Personalization Is Still Opt-Out
You Can Hide Information From The Past
You Should Review Your Settings
Privacy Now Only Takes One Click
I would also add that there is lot of information not required in order to use Facebook and whatever content you put out there is your choice. So be responsible, and a good model for your children, and take the time to know.
It's great to see Facebook answer a call from the user community and I hope users will become more curious and responsible about how they put information out there. There are well over 400 million Facebook users worldwide and in the U.S., 1 out 3 people have a Facebook account. Social media definitely presents a shift on how we think about technology, share and receive information and ultimately how we will live our lives day-to-day, so take control of your presence in what is undoubtedly becoming a very social world.
If you've made the first step getting onto Twitter but find the lingo to be a bit foreign at times or maybe you're unsure about the protocol here's a good article by Joanna Pineda of Matrix Group to help bring you up to speed and help you speak intelligently with other Twitterers...yes, that is a word. Check it out!
While there are over 17 million active Twitter users in the U.S., that represents only about 7% of the U.S. population. Add to that Facebook's usage which now has over 41% of Americans engaged in social networking on some level. (Source: 2010 Edison Research/Arbitron Internet & Multimedia Study). But social media continues to be on the rise. Why? Because it's inexpensive technology that continues to be more and more accessible. And social media has an unbelievable reach. In a recent article about the Future of Social Networking, Andrew Nathan says,
"By 2015...expect to see more mobile applications and virtual networking a stronger part of our everyday social networking experience."
From what I can tell most people who are active on Facebook but haven't yet made it onto Twitter are interested and even eager to try it out, but don't know where to start. I recently came across a simple and straightforward tutorial that addresses just that. It walks you through the simple steps of setting up an account which is all most people want to know in the beginning.
But before getting to the tutorial, let's start at the very beginning...which is a very good place to start...and revisit just exactly what Twitter is and how you might use it in your daily life. According to the Twitter website the social media tool is defined as:
Twitter is a real-time information network powered by people all around the world that lets you share and discover what’s happening now..
The operative phrases here are "real-time", "people around the world", "share" and "discover". Similar to, but better than, other social networking sites Twitter provides us with a means to connect with a multitude of people and organizations who:
share the same interests on some level
provide information that we find interesting and valuable
find what we have to share is interesting and valuable
This vast and viral network helps us discover more about our world - how we add to it and how we benefit from it - then we could ever discover offline or via email. It also functions quite well as a search engine and a good one too! Michael Arrington of Tech Crunch explores just how valuable Twitter has become as a search engine. He says, "People searching for news. Brands searching for feedback. That’s valuable stuff." And that value will continue to grow as social media usage grows.
A final quick note regarding the numbers. It's common for users who are new to Twitter and other social media applications like Facebook or LinkedIn to be caught up with growing their friend/follower base. "Look how many friends and followers I have!" But, truly, it's not about the numbers, it's about collaboration. Collaboration and social media are most commonly used in relation to business and marketing online, but it's really what we are all doing out there. We are searching, sharing and seeking a greater knowledge base than what we have today. For each of us this will look different and that's the beauty of it. People can collaborate in ways they never have been able to before on subjects like:
how I handle curfew for an 18 year old living at home
how should I invest my money over the next six months
tips on taxes
buying a house
where to take the family for Mother's Day brunch
There is no end to what you can discover. So go ahead and get started! Good luck! Here's that tutorial I referred to at the beginning of this blog. Hope it helps!
(Thank you to Brian at homebasedblogging.com for this quick and easy Twitter startup tool.)
I’ve always said that technology is like fire – a powerful tool that really we can’t live without, but one that must be understood, controlled and channeled in a way that adds value to our lives. And we also have a parental and social responsibility to protect those who don’t know enough to protect themselves, like our children. We would all love to eliminate bullying but that’s not likely to happen in the near future. It exists everywhere, offline and online.
Online bullying, or cyberbullying, is no different from the offline bullying that occurs in the classroom, school hallways, sporting events and in the neighborhoods where our children live except that cyberbullying is done using technology. Cyberbullying is defined by Netzsmartz Kids as:
Cyberbullying - sending or posting harmful or cruel text or images using the Internet or other digital communication devices.
(NetSmartz Kids is a national organization dedicated to teaching parents/caregivers, educators, government officials, law enforcement, and youth organizations that want to learn more about the Internet and the possible dangers to children online.)
Like offline bullying, parents can educate themselves to help protect their children against cyberbullying. What follows are tips for preventing cyberbullying from the Cleveland Clinic.
Parents can take a proactive, preventative approach to cyberbullying by dong the following:
Learn! Go on a fact-finding mission. Learn what your kids are doing online, which sites they visit and what they post on sites like Facebook or MySpace. Monitor cell phone usage, especially text messaging. Because much of Facebook is public information anyway, many parents make an agreement with their kids that if they are going to use it, the parent is given the log-in password so that they can review what is happening at any time.
Sharing isn’t always a good idea. Teach your kids not to share anything that they wouldn’t want the entire world — including their parents, grandparents and teachers — to see.
Discuss the ethics of Internet use. Encourage kids to develop a code of ethics for Internet use. Start a discussion of “right” versus “wrong” uses of technology. Then clearly set your rules and expectations for cell phone and Internet use.
Watch for signs of cyberbullying. Kids who are cyberbullied are often reluctant to go online and find excuses to avoid school. If you think your child is a target, take immediate action. If the bully is a classmate, tell school officials. Report online harassment and physical threats to local police. If bullying involves mobile phones, report it to your phone service provider. Tell your Internet Service Provider (ISP) about email or social networking threats. On Facebook, kids can click “report” if they are uncomfortable about what they’re reading.
I think this is a good list and I would add only this, "Lead by example!" If your kids are on the Internet then they are old enough to learn from your own behavior. Be aware of how you use the Internet and other technology. What might be acceptable or appropriate for adult communication may be very inappropriate for your 12 year old.
Regardless of how much you choose to use technology, if you are a parent or a caregiver you do a have responsibility to learn enough to ensure children can be protected.
Lately I've found myself in a number of conversations with parents discussing social networking/media, most often Facebook, and their involvement or participation in this still relatively new mode of communication. I'm struck by the variety of opinions regarding how much involvement parents should have in what many perceive as their child's social world. There appear to be three main camps parents fall in with regards to their position on social media.
Nope: Not interested in getting involved with Social Media, "It's not for me."
On the Verge: Would like to understand more, but don't know where to begin.
Plunged: Have made the leap and have a social media account and are either actively involved or slowly becoming more familiar with it.
I don't know that there is a "right" position to take, but before you take any position, it might be helpful to take a moment to look at social media separate and apart from being a parent and explore what social media is in general, how people are networking, where is it going and what that might mean. As I write, the world of social media is evolving rapidly and a precise definition is a bit difficult to pin down. There are many definitions for social media out there which try to explain it from specific angles from marketing to educational to personal. For the purposes of this discussion and my focus on the everyday user I'll be addressing social media from a personal perspective as it relates to social networking.
What is Social Media?
In my opinion, social media could be defined simply as,
"Social Media: Tools that assist us in engaging with a far greater number of individuals and groups than would otherwise be possible given traditional methods of social networking (i.e. school, church, special interest groups, etc.)."
In essence, it's where sociology meets technology and the synergy created by this pairing is growing providing an incredible amount of potential for us to connect with, interact with, share and learn from others. And it's right here where I believe many of the "Nopes" and those "On The Verge" run into a stumbling block for two reasons. First, if you don't have comfort level with technology jumping onto the bandwagon with yet another new application using a device you have not yet mastered might seem unappealing and not worth the effort. Secondly, the exponential growth of the network and the vast number of people, products and services one may be networked with can be daunting. Together these can make the thought of becoming involved in social media and growing a social network seem very unattractive, understandably. That said, let's go back to what I said about social media - it allows us to connect with, interact with and learn from others. In other words, it helps us create relationships with one another and it will - slash that - it is now becoming one of the most common ways in which we connect with one another.
How to People Use Social Media?
I could not name all of the social media sites currently being used, but suffice it to say that there are many and it's growing and changing too. The most commonly mentioned sites are probably Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter, and while those are robust in their user-ship the social media world is quickly redefining itself as the number of users grows. More sites are being added, many are growing and others are losing ground all due in large part to the users who are helping define what is valuable. To help us grasped what this bucket of social media sites looks like without naming them all let's break them down into some categories.
[caption id="attachment_130" align="aligncenter" width="372" caption="Social media categories with examples. Not intended to be a complete list."][/caption]
The graph below was presented by Amy Portfield in an article recently published by the Social Media Examiner in which a study of 1000 social media users wee surveyed to understand when, what and where they use social media. The graph underscores a couple of things. First, social networking sites attract different types of users. (Notice the absence of a "news" category for Myspace users where this is a predominate area of interest for users of other sites.) People have a presence on certain sites because there can find and share information that interest them. Second, it's not just about being social. In fact, you might say that learning and sharing is just another way of being social because I do find it interesting that there is not a "socializing" category anywhere on this graph.
Source: Amy Porterfield, "Study Highlights Growing Social Media Addiction" Social Examiner, Web April, 16, 2010.
Does everyone who participates in social media have an account on all of these sites? Certainly not! Just like choosing where you shop, travel, socialize, eat, etc., individuals determine which sites are valuable to them based on their own interests and what they find meaningful. Having a presence on at least one site, such as Facebook, LinkedIn or Twitter to get started, will allow you to connect with, interact with, share and learn from others. And that is how relationships are built using social media.
As I've mentioned a number of times, social media is changing rapidly and weaving its way into our lives whether we like it or not. It's a social phenomenon driven by tecchnology. Think about it, the Facebook application was launched in 2004 and Twitter saw it's first Tweet in March of 2006. Today if Facebook were a country it would be the third most populated (Techxav) at over 400 million while Twitter's population has grown to 27 million in just four short years. Compare that to the evolution of cell phones which also received a lot of initial resistance from users, do you recall?! The first truly portable cell phone was released to the public by Motorola in 1983 and it took 12 years before the number of wireless subscribers reached only 28 million n 1995, whereas Facebook hit 100 million in four and half years. And where did they announce this? On Twitter which was only two years old at the time. And remember texting? Do you recall ever saying, "Texting? I don't get it. When would I need to use it?" Now, we have laws in effect because people text too much and at the wrong times. (One unfortunate side effect that accompanies rapid growth as seen with cell phones, texting and social media is the lag in establishing social mores and proper etiquette in how we incorporate such things into our lives.) Today there are over a billion cell phone users and the majority have text-enabled phones. I think it's safe to say that social media is here to stay and the number of users will only continue to climb.
What Does the of Social Media Look Like?
Big question! Good question! What we can be fairly confident of is that is will continue to grow and weave itself into our lives and we will become more connected because of it and maybe smarter as well. Communicating with social media makes it so easy to share information with others and that's what people find valuable and meaningful. And when there is valuable and meaningful information to be had people will remain connected. I'll refer you to two articles that delve into answering this question and you may find of interest.
The first provides some insight as to why social media is here to stay specifically as it discusses how social media brings together the many aspects of our lives. The second is important for parents to understand how social media will become an important tool for how children learn in school. What also might be helpful is to understand how others like you are participating. Here's a great link to social media demographics from Flowtown illustrating who is using social media which may provide some insight as to where you might want invest your energies. What's interesting to see is that the age group most engaged in the popular social media sites are those 35-45 years of age which might be a surprise to many who associate social media only with young adults.
What Might All of This Mean to Me?
The answer may be different for all of us except for a few points that appear to be universal.
Social media isn't going away.
More and more of our lives will converge into the space of social media.
There are many benefits to be had being involved with social media, not the least of which is having a deeper connection to the world in which we live.
Want it all in a nutshell? Here's a very short video portrayal by Erik Qualman of how far social media has penetrated our lives and tries to help you answer the question, "Is social media a fad or a revolution?".
Turning back to the original discussion of this blog which was about parents involvement social media? The first thing that should be clear by now that the world of social media is not just a kid's world and it's certainly not just for socializing. I would also add that, parent or not, there are many good arguments for at least dipping your toe into social media if you haven't already made the plunge. If you think you're ready, here are ten things to consider that may be helpful as you think about getting started:
Safety/Security: Social media is not unlike any other type of communication or interaction we have in the offline world. There, we take measures to be safe and to protect our valuables. Being online isn't any different. We should be concerned with those very same things, it just may take a little more effort and patience to learn something new. There are tools in place to provide you with the security you need and there are also some things you may need to learn too. The information is out there, just ask.
Etiquette: Social media as about relationships and while there may be some logistical bumps in the road as we learn to define what's appropriate and what's not in this online world, the golden rule still applies. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Just like you wouldn't walk into a group of your son's classmates and show them pictures of him as a little boy on a toilet, you also wouldn't post those pictures on his Facebook Wall for all to see. Yes, this has happened.
Quality Not Quantity: You may see kids and even some adults try aggressively to ramp up their friends or followers. To each his own. I mean, when do you have enough? There's no trophy when you get there, wherever "there" is. The win is by engaging with people, groups and organizations that add value your life. How do you teach this to your children? Lead by example! Talk about what you've learned, what you've shared and how others have benefitted from their relationship with you.
Relationships: As in the offline world and in life, people can benefit from and they can be hurt by their relationships with others. So have discussions with your children about who they friend, why they friend them and who they should not friend. This is probably a good topic for another blog, but I do want to point out a few things here.
Kids and Adult Friends: You may think having your kids "friend" family members is just fine, and for the most part it probably is. But, if there are cousins, aunts, uncles or any adult whose profiles have the potential of displaying information that may not be age-appropriate for your children, then you need to either discuss with your child why that may be okay and have them de-friend them or have a conversation with the adult and ask them to place the child on a limited profile. This is a privacy feature on Facebook that provides the user of the account with flexibility when it comes to who is allowed to see certain portions of the users profile. You can establish a limited profile for selected people and these individuals will never be informed that they are only viewing a selection of the features that are available on your profile.
Social Media Can be Good for Those at Risk: The relationships established through social networking can be very supportive and have been found to be effective tool for suicide prevention. According to the Defense Centers of Excellence (DCoE), social media is proving to be a relevant tool, not a passing fad, which is used to provide health information to support suicide prevention efforts.
Bullying: While social media can be a very positive experience for most people, bullies still exist. Does the venue make them any worse? I don't know, but I do believe it may make them more visible. In any event, it is our responsibility as parents to start conversations about bullying early with our kids and on some level monitor who their friends are. And there's no better way to do this than sharing the social media experience with them while respecting their space, of course.
How to Begin?: If you don't know where to start, then ask. Ask me, ask friends or jump online because there are a variety of ways to learn how to begin. (Hmm? Maybe that should be another upcoming blog?)
My mission is to help others find more productive ways of doing things via technology and understand the capabilities that are available to them to help reduce stress of this chaotic world in which we live. Social media is sometimes viewed as an interruption of sorts, rather than anything remotely productive. The purpose of this blog was not to be an advocate for social media, but rather to provide some insight into social media and help others make more informed decisions about being an online social networker. Whether you are a "Nope", an "On the Verge" or you've "Plunged", we can always learn something from each other, so please share this with someone you think might benefit from this blog.
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