The level of comfort and knowledge parents have personally navigating online communities and processes varies drastically across families and can be an obstacle for effective online parenting. Keeping our kids from being active online would be a challenge and it really won't benefit them as you might think. The world is online and this is the world they are growing up in. Social networks, rapidly increasing online learning tools, financial management, purchasing power, managing information and gaining employment - it's all taking place online now and this is their world. So, the goal is to teach them to be savvy, smart, and safe offline and online.
As with anything we teach our kids, one of the best ways is to model that behavior ourselves. How effective could we be teaching kids to drive or swim if we aren't able to demonstrate these skills ourselves. It's important that parents be present online:
- monitor security settings
- be active in the online world
- model safe and appropriate behaviors
- ensure online boundaries are set similar to those already set offline
If you feel you aren't there yet and could use some help getting started then I would recommend starting with understanding online safety. (Hint: You do need to get online for this.) Here are three great steps to get you headed in the right direction.
- Be sure all devices - I mean ALL desktops, laptops, iPads, iTouch, smartphones, game consoles, etc. - have security and privacy settings that are properly set. Everyone one of these is a computer with internet access.
- Connect online. The best advice is to get online before they are, but if you haven't made that leap yet there's still time. You may need to take it slow being careful not to upset their world too much. Try connecting first with people you have in common and they are already "friends" with (e.g. one of their friends parents, a coach, a neighbor, or a relative.) Eventually, they'll want to be part of the conversation too and may even "friend" you!
- Be sure your own privacy settings and online behaviors are safe, smart and savvy. For instance, learn what privacy settings are available and how they work. Facebook's Safety Center is wonderful and is a useful resource for parents. In fact, if you have kids on Facebook right now then you should familiarize yourself with how Facebook works to protect kids. Highly effective tools to protect our kids are available but need to be turned on, so make sure they're turned on for your family. (e.g. Facebook profiles default setting is "public" where anyone can view it. Ensure your kids' profiles are set properly.) In addition to tools and settings, consider your own activity - posts, language, topics. Reflect the behavior you'd want your kids to demonstrate. One again, online really isn't any different than offline. Think before you speak or act- if you wouldn't share your thought with a group offline then don't do it online either. I once spoke with a mother who was upset that her 14 year old daughter's profile picture was her wearing a little bikini at the beach...the mother's profile picture was a picture of her with her husband on vacation in Mexico wearing a bikini! THINK! Check out this helpful article form Common Sense Media, Manners in the Digital Age.
- Be consistent with your rules. If you teach your kids not to talk to strangers offline, then be sure they understand how that applies when online. Just because someone says they are a friend of a friend does make them a friend. Help them define what a friend is - share with them what your rules are for "friending". At a minimum this may make them think before accepting a friend request instead of just hitting ACCEPT.
The best way to keep your kids savvy, smart, and safe is by doing it yourself and having conversations about it with them. Explain why you do what you do with online banking, making purchases, networking both personally (Facebook) and professionally (LinkedIn), etc. One day they will leave the nest and it's our job to be sure they can do this on their own.
Finally, here are some great resources that I like which may help get you started on this very important journey.
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